Fandom: Boys Over Flowers
Pairing: Ga Eul/Yi Jung (Kim Bum/So Eun)
Word Count: 1328
Disclaimer: Just toying around with two interesting characters not of my own making on a whim
Summary: If there's only one perfect person out there, then who's out there for Ga Eul?
Author's Notes: A belated birthday present for aabass89. I really wanted to write Ga Eul/Yi Jung for you, and recently when I was re-reading all those BOF recaps a bunny attacked. Unfortunately this one fell apart mid air too. I just wanted to convey in this piece Ga Eul's insecurity, and where the Ga Eul/Yi Jung relationship is heading, because throughout the drama I can't seem to tell if Eun Jae (Sara) is suppose to be Yi Jung's real love, or if it's suppose to be Ga Eul. Ga Eul seems to believe in one soul mate for everyone, so I decided to explore that aspect of the relationship. I hope you don't think the ending was a cop out. I haven't really been in the fic groove for a while, and that you don't mind me giving you such bad writing. Hats to tsuite who's second person style I tried to imitate. Re-edited. Because really my grammar is shocking.
You break up with him because you've finally had enough.
Enough of the "what ifs". What if he wasn't your best friend's husband's best friend? What if he hadn't spilt tea on Eun Jae's letter? What if Eun Jae wasn't dating his brother? What if Eun Jae and Il Hyun broke up? And ultimately, every what if leads to the haunting question: would he have stayed? Without obligation, without regret. If things had worked out differently, would he have stayed and loved you still?
It's a cloudy night when you tell him it's over. You lean against the railing of the overpass and watch the cars go by. All of a sudden everything appears to be infinitely more interesting than Yi Jung's, and you find yourself wondering if traffic lights are programmed to readjust their timers during rush hour. But it's not his pain that you're afraid of seeing. You don't worry that he'll say something sickeningly sweet and shake your resolve. No. What frightens you the most is that he simply won't care.
It pains you to remember that when you first confessed, not only did he say no, but he called you idiotic and naive too. He didn't care back then, and after five years in Sweden, he probably cares less now. No doubt it took him less than a minute to learn to live without you, whilst life without him will always seem foreign and unbearable. Yet still nothing can make you hate him. Yesterday you were an expendable whore for his father's taking. Today you're just a silly little girl engrossed in happy endings and tomorrow you'll still be here, working this almost fulfilling job, heartbrokenly, gut wrenchingly in love with him.
So to save yourself the heartache you try to reason that you're doing it for his sake. He's holding himself and his family back by being with you. If you were out of the picture, then he'd finally be able to marry someone advantageous to his position. You haven't known Yi Jung as long as F4 or Eun Jae, but you know that despite what he says about good girls deserving good guys (and for you to stay far away from bad boys like himself) he's secretly a good guy too. And although you've tried being complicated and intriguing, tried to remind him that not all good girls like good boys, he's right about you anyway. So if he won't break up with you out of respect and politeness then you'll do it for him.
It's better in the long run if the two of you break up now because you were both heading down that path anyway. But still, it hurts more than anything knowing that you're not his soul mate. That the love of his life is romancing his brother, and you'll only ever be second best. And it's really for this reason that you're breaking up with him. Although you want Yi Jung to be the best that he can be, don't want obligation and regret gluing you together, it's really because you're weak.
After everything you've ever said about fighting for true love and embracing it, you're just as scared of getting hurt as he is. It's the realization that if the slate where wiped clean, and it was just Yi Jung, Eun Jae and you, you'd know who Yi Jung would really choose. It's the knowledge that if he were as ruthless as Jun Pyo, he'd have the woman that he so desperately needed to complete him, and you'd be exactly where you started. In love with someone who could only smile at you.
It's the fact you like him more than he'll ever like you.
The silence is suffocating, so you turn around to face him. You watch as his emotions battle for dominance across his face. Anger. Sadness. Confusion. Desperation. Then finally, in a voice so small that you're sure the wind could've carried it away, you hear him ask why.
You're about to cry now, so you face the railing again, and speak boldly, confidently, to hide the reluctance and doubt in your mind. It's not working you provide, before bleating out weak excuses abut your hectic work schedules, despite you working a solid 8 hour shift five days a week. You mention a fake opportunity in America to set up a Korean kindergarten, in conjunction with their lack of chemistry.
"You've been away for five years. Things have changed. I've changed. I can't do this anymore"
Neither of you are high schoolers anymore, and you hope that all these reasons will make him go away and be happy. You give another "I just don't think we're working out" and determinately stare at the cars roaring underneath you, trying hard not to blink. He asks you if this is the real reason why you're throwing away a six and a half year relationship, and if you're sure. You wonder which expression has won, and conclude that it must've been confusion. Confusion at how lowly, nice, submissive Ga Eul could possibly be breaking up with the Prince of Cool, so you bite back cruelly in defense, anticipating his indifference. You've never been more sure in your life. You can't see, and you don't want to look, but you hear receding footsteps and it's here in this very minute that all your worst fears have been confirmed. He never even cared enough for you to try to change your mind.
It's been a year, and you meet every so often, because your best friend is still his best friend's wife, and although you hear from Jan Di that he spent three months after your break up in a constant alcoholic stupor, you choose to believe that that means nothing. He spent much of his life before you in an alcoholic stupor too.
However you notice that Woo Bin isn't as friendly, Jun Pyo gives you dirty looks and Ji Hoon remains as detached as ever when all three of you meet. You pretend not to notice that the group dynamic has changed, and proceed to distance yourself from them. You're not invited any more and it's like the red notice all over again.
So you get yourself new friends that are shallow and bubbly. They organize drama marathons and talk about fashion and celebrities. It's perfect, and you feign interest, because that's what relationships are all about. Compromise. But even so, when you enter a club late one night, you see Yi Jung and your heart pounds like crazy. He's in the VIP area, arms slung around attractive women, drinking a cocktail. You spend an eternity staring at them, and there's something horribly wrong with you but you can't tear your eyes away from them to figure out what. Finally when your friends drag you away to dance, you remember you've got a new life now that doesn't revolve around F4 or Jan Di and Jun Pyo's antics. You're suppose to have grown up now, you're 25 for gods sake, and you excuse yourself to go the bathroom.
When you walk out of the restroom Yi Jung's there. Kind of like a dream you can't really remember but try desperately to. He's dressed in a pink tie, navy suit, white dress shirt, and he starts talking to you, clearly and confidently. He has all the answers again, and you can hear him repeat your own words back to you. That you're just afraid of getting hurt. And it's the worst thing you'll ever hear because it's true. Yi Jung tells you that he's not giving up on you, and that you're worth holding on to. You watch him walk away, you don't know what to feel, can't remember how, but you're heart spasming as it tries to catch all the beats it's missed.
And maybe just maybe you were for him after all.