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Title: What I Know Now 2/5 and 3/5
Genre: Lament. Basically I just re write the whole drama ^^;; please bare with me
Word Count: 2/5 = 578, 3/5 = 500
Disclaimer: Kurosagi the drama, the manga and the movie are not mine
Author's Notes: I'm sorry. I spam you not only with real life events but also with fanfics that basically re tell dramas. I am so sorry, I do this all the time. Please bare with me. These are short, and I will be posting a whole truckload of
sorry everyone, please bare with me!
Part 1: Is here
Kurosagi had taught Tsurara exactly how much hate a human heart could hold
At first she had pitied him. Saw him only as a poor creature who had simply made wrong choices. His determined features, crisp white suit and dark sunglasses left little impression on her. She’d dismissed him as a wannabe. Someone who watched way too much tv, and probably dreamed of growing up to be a celebrity or a spy as a kid.
Her initial gratefulness towards him for saving her life had quickly been replaced with strong dislike. His over confident attitude and arrogance repulsed her. Who was he to think he could “swindle back their money?”. After all wasn’t he committing the exact crime he was trying to find justice for? A hypocrite if ever she saw one. Just some asshole who thought he was above the law. Tsurara did not respect him at all and she never would.
Then things had changed. Moving next door to him had transformed her opinions of him. He was no longer that annoying coincidence, but a daily joy, something akin to that of opening a cereal box and finding a toy within. His obnoxious egotistical countenance evolved into that of complexity and mystery. An impossibly complex brainteaser without a solution. She often found herself wondering what he really thought. How he really felt. What he really saw in everything and nothing. Her original hate for him bubbled into a hard hammering in her chest. Kurosaki had been thrust into the sun, and soon the parts of him which had previously remained hidden inside his own shadows, sparkled. The glass was half full and everyday held new endless possibilities. Deny it as she did, deny it as she should, it was plain for anyone to see that Tsurara had fallen hard and fast. Softly and slowly. Irrefutably for a man with a thousand different faces and skins.
It was wrong of her she realized all too late, to try to change him. What Kurosaki must have seen as a pesky meddling, Tsurara viewed as insightful information. She was trying to mold him into her belief of the perfect man. Shake away his bitterness, warm up the coldness in his heart, brush away the moth balls. Shape him into the man who teased her in her dreams.
In reality Tsurara had no right to “offer advice”. She had made assumptions. Stupid ones. Kurosaki, who kept himself so well hidden fooled her easily. To her he was the lone ranger. She shouldn’t have tried to change him. She shouldn’t have assumed that he wanted a new career path. She shouldn’t have believed his troubles to be trivial and shallow. She shouldn’t have fallen in love with him in the first place.
Kurosaki’s past ran deep. Deep into the veins of his heart. His own family massacre, and story of revenge had shocked her. Awakened her to her selfish ministrations. For no matter how much she nagged, no matter how hard she lectured, he was set hard in his ways. Living life set on spilling blood to equate for the blood staining his soul. He wouldn’t stop hunting until he’d gotten his revenge. Maybe not even then.
It scared her to think that the fortress of his mind was so impenetrable, impregnable. Forever closed for the night. That her touch and her will could not redirect his self paved path to self destruction. That she meant nothing to him at all.
Kurosagi had taught her that the world was black, white and all shades of gray
His method contested everything she believed in. Made rain fall upwards, sunflowers follow the path of the moon and right become wrong.
It was a difficult concept for her to grasp. She’d always defined a crime as an act committed by a human towards another human which resulted in one being considerably worse off than the other after the act. Every crime had a perpetrator who inflicted harm upon a victim. End of story. Case closed.
But Kurosaki didn’t fit this definition. He didn’t fit any definition. He was different and strange and unique. He defied her every expectation, contested every discourse she knew, challenged every stereotype she cared to think of. With him, It was like trying to fit an irregular parallelogram into a square.
He confused her. And whilst her logic told her that he was a trickster a criminal, she could not fight that little voice in her head.
He’s a trickster. But he tricks other tricksters, and gives his ill gotten gains to those swindled .
He’s manipulates people’s feelings and exploits their insecurities. But only those who in turn manipulate and exploit others.
He’s a criminal. But I love him.
He was made of anomalies, coloured irregular, accessorized with buts. She could never expect a stable life from him. One where she’d come home to their quaint little house, say tadaima and expect a warm hug, kiss on the cheek and okaeri back. He wasn’t made for normal, missed average by several notches, bypassed sane a long time ago.
Unbelievably so, he had expanded her world. Shown her the why and how. Revealed to her the areas of gray that she did not know existed. Her black and white world, fixated on wrong and right, good and evil, guilty and innocent, had begun to colour. She shuddered to think how many people in jail had legitimate reasons. Crimes they had committed on behalf of loved ones. Stories that no one could even begin to comprehend, let alone the courts. She shuddered to think how many of them had tales she could understand and relate to. She wondered how she could possibly condemn a three dimensional man, who felt and loved like she did.
She wanted to accept his method of dealing with the injustices of the world. She wanted to throw her arms open and hold him. Whisper to him the sweet nothings she longed to hear from him. She wanted to abandon her dreams for her future and follow him into the darkness. But when the morning the came, her ambition kicked right back in, and her fantasies crept back into the shadows from which they had come. She would help the poor, the disheartened the needy. She would help the right receive what they deserved. Conquer the demons that lurked and bring smiles to peoples faces.
She could save those like Kurosaki, from becoming what he was today.